Funny Pick Up Lines for Grandma
No doubt about it: Grandmas are funny. Also loving, caring, generous, and oh yeah — fun to take selfies with. If we didn’t have grandparents, how would we enjoy a family photo? Here are some hilarious pickup lines that remind us that Grandma does indeed rock!
Funny Pick Up Lines for Grandma
• Hey grandma, I was thinking about you the whole time I was out of town. Did you miss me?
• You’re such a grandma, I can’t think of anything better than you wearing my t-shirt!
• Hey, grandma. I know you’re old but a lot of people your age are still alive and kicking. I’ll see you later.
• I’m a Grandma, and I don’t believe in that old chestnut about Grandpa.
• Hey grandma, you’re looking as good as your grandson.
• I don’t have a grandma, but I do have a ton of grandkids.
• Do you want to be my grandpa? Because I know how to use a knife and fork, and I’m pretty friendly too.
• You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a grandma. Hey, grandma. You look like a grandma.
• I’m too old to raise a fuss, but I’ll raise your heart rate.
• How old are you? I feel like the last of a lost civilization.
• Your pearls are so big, you can use them to pull open a jar of caviar
• I’d rather be taken by the hand, than left with a stranger.
• Hey Grandma, I’m trying to figure out what to get you on your birthday.
• Grandma, I think you’re looking pretty hot for a 90 year old woman.
• Hey, grandma! Haven’t seen you in a while. What are you up to?
• You don’t need to be a grandmother to wear one.
• My grandma is so old, she can walk backwards in her sleep. I wouldn’t lie to her just because she’s cool!
• Hey grandma, I’ll tell you if you promise not to tell.
• I’ve always loved you. But now, it’s not just that you’re old and wrinkly, but also because I think your undies are super cute.
• “I’m going to give you a little free advice: Love your granny, but don’t get too dependent on her.”
• When you were a kid, I scooped your ice cream cone out of the dish. Now that you’re an adult, I scoop you out of my life.
• What you did to my high school crush could get me suspended from college.
• I always said that I was gonna wait for the right man…I just didn’t know he was going to be old enough to have a beard.
• She was the first person to kiss me, and I will always love her.
• You’re so real, I swear I saw your head growing out of the toilet seat.
• I’m a grandma, I know what you are up to. “Grandma, I know you’re old and wise, but I think you need a drink.”
• Grandma we haven’t celebrated your birthday in a while, but we thought we’d better do it this year. Happy 90th grandma!
• Grandma’s like the sun. She may be old, but she still puts out sunshine.
• If you’ve seen one grandma, you’ve seen them all. But when you’re looking for a fresh start, there’s no better place than with me.
• You’re old enough to be my grandma, but you have a body like a teenager.
• My grandpa is such a smart man, he’s been known to say the funniest things.
• I’m so old I can remember when you were a fetus.
• She’s old school, and I’m new school. What could go wrong?
• Grandma’s got a secret for you: she thinks you’re cute. Grandma, I’m a little slow but I think you’re hot.
• I’m a grandma. I’ve been married 55+ years, and have raised three boys, so I know a thing or two about what men want in a woman…
• I think we can agree that Grandma is an excellent catch, but let’s not forget to thank her for being a grandparent. Grandma Is The BEST
• Cheers to grandma! It must be nice to have a woman who knows your every move.
• We hope she always finds you funny, even when she’s driving you nuts.
• Grandma, you’re like a fine wine—you get better with age.
• I don’t have grandchildren. I have grandsons who are wonderful, sweet and smart and funny.
• When your grandma is the most stylish woman in the room.
• To my grandma, you are the wind beneath my wings. To my grandpa, you are the hope for tomorrow.
• Sweet grandma, the only thing that comes between us is death.
• You’re so old you can’t even order coffee. How about we go shopping for cute outfits together?
• You’re so good-looking, you could use a comb-over, grandma.
• When you’re the most important person in my life but I still feel like a kid. What’s up with that?
• I think she was born in the wrong century. Grandma, I know you’re old and all but I thought you’d still like to be my favorite.
• Hey Grandma, if you’re old enough to remember the 1920s, then you’re old enough to drive this!
• Hey, grandma. You’re the kind of woman that turns a man’s mind inside out. Hey grandma, I’m going to let you in on a little secret.
• I saw you coming out of the grocery store with your groceries and I thought, “Now that’s someone I’d want to be my grandma.”
• Grandma, you’re so old that when I was born, your generation was still drinking milk. Grandma got legs so we call her grandma.
• I’m a grandma so you better start wearing diapers. Grandma, don’t worry about me. I’m at a place in my life where I can take care of myself.
• Grandma, what do you mean you don’t want to be called Grandma?
• You’re old enough to be my grandmother and still have all your teeth.
• I don’t need a reminder for Christmas, but my grandma does. I’m not your grandma, I’m your mother.
• I’m old enough to remember when you were young enough to walk. She’s all you need to master your life.
• “Hello! I’m here to pick up Grandma, not you. If a grandma can’t get you a date, nothing can. Grandma, I’m the grandson you always wished for.
• Grandma, I’m sorry to hear you’re balding… but happy birthday!
• Are you the grandma who took me to the park? So proud of you.
• If your grandma’s like mine, she’s got a couple of tricks up her sleeve!
• My grandma thinks I’m sexy and she’s never wrong.
• You’re such a grandma, you could’ve been an old lady.
• When life hands you lemons, make her a grandma.
• “I’m not your grandma!” you shout. “But I am a babe in my 50s,.
• Hey Mom, I know you’re old but I’m still waiting on my turn.
• She may be older than dirt, but she’ll never taste like it!
• Grandma, I’m not sure what your secret is, but I’ll never forget it.
• Grandma, I was thinking about what to get you for your birthday, because you’re so old and stuff but then I realized that you’re hot.
• Grandma, I’ve been trying to pick you up for years but you always beat me to it.
• Hey, grandma. I’m sorry I’m being so bold and asking you out, but my girlfriend can’t keep up with me. What do you say we go out this weekend?
• Grandma grabs her purse and says “I got this!” Grandpa asks what she’s thinking about. She says “Legalize it.”
• Grandma: You know what I love most? Your granddaughter….She’s a keeper!
• Grandma, I know you’re not going to believe this, but I’m a big fan of your buns. Grandma, what are you doing with all my money?
• You won’t find a better grandma any where. My grandma is so old, she’s younger than my dog
• If your grandma doesn’t like you, then there’s something wrong with her. Grandma was born in the wrong century.
• Did your grandkids grow up overnight? I’d like to tell you something… but I think I’ll wait until we’re alone.
• Your smile can light the whole town, Grandma. Grandma’s got a million stories, but not a dad that knows how to use them.
• Grandma, I’m sorry I’m late—I was busy with my new girlfriend
• Hey grandma, I was wondering: when did you first start liking me?
• Grandma, you’re so fierce! The way you wear your fitted capris, it’s like you were born with a matching thematic necklace.
• Grandma, you’ve got the clothes and shoes, but when it comes to style, you’re just dumb as a box of rocks.
• Grandma, you’re the closest thing to a grandma that I’ve got.
• You may be my favorite grandparent, but you don’t have the same effect on me that your son does.
• A grandma is a woman who’s so awesome, she makes everything in the world better.
• My Grandma has the touch, she knows how to make me smile.
• You’re not old, you’re my favorite kind of wine. I love your curve, your ass and all your wrinkles.
• I tried to reach you on Skype, but it kept going to your grandma’s house.
• If you’re gonna steal my car, at least put on some seat belts, grandma.
• I’ll never forget the first time I saw you in a pair of overalls. It was love at first sight.
• Here’s a little tip if you’re looking to impress Grandma this morning: Make her some grandma coffee.
• Grandma, you’re the best! You’ve got my eyes, my hair and my love for you.
• Grandma always knew how to make you feel loved. She was just never able to get the words out.
• Grandma’s the Queen of Hearts. She fills up every black heart with laughter and joy. Happy Birthday grandmaw!
• Grandma, I’m always one foot in the grave. If you don’t love me now, it’ll happen anyway.
• You’re the perfect granddaughter. Not to mention the best-looking granny I’ve ever seen.
• Grandma, I’m sorry about yesterday. We had a bit of a disagreement about what is art and what isn’t.
• My grandma’s like a box of chocolates. No two are alike, but all are delicious!
• I don’t care how old you are—you need to wear makeup. “You’re so old, you make me sometimes feel like a baby.”
• I love you more than the internet. If you’re going to play the family card, you better bring a big fat stack of cash.
• I have a theory. What you see isn’t what you get when you look at me.
• I thought it was a good idea to bring you a gift before I go, but then you opened the box and got all upset.
• Grandma, it’s your birthday and I’m giving you the best present ever: me.
• If it isn’t safe to leave Grandma alone with your kids then we should probably look for a new house.
• I’m sorry grandma I didn’t mean to steal your bag. It’s just that I had too much coffee and felt like making a move…
• Hey grandma, when you’re a kid and your socks smell like candy but your breath smells like pee.
• I’m the grandma, you’re the candy. How do I know you’re old enough to eat me?
• What’s the deal with you and Grandma? I’m guessing you get a kick out of her cooking and cleaning.
• Hi, I’m looking for my grandma. She’s a beautiful woman with lots of love to give.
• I’m not your grandma, but I’ll be changing that soon.
• I wish I were a grandmother so I could roll out of bed in the mornings and not have to worry about anything, because it’s good for the heart to just enjoy life
• When you ask for a hug and I give you one, it’s love at first sight.
• I like your face. No, I love it. “I’ve got my eye on you, grandma”
• Are you the boss of me? Because I just stole your keys.
• Grandma, I got your back. And in case you don’t know what that means, it means I’m not gonna let you get hit on by anybody else.
• You are the greatest and most important person in my life, Grandma. I wish you a happy birthday from the bottom of my heart.
• Grandma, I’m on a quest for true love and I see you as my guide.
• So you’re the little lady who likes to have a little coffee run with her grandson?
• Hey grandma, I’m going to be late for work because I need to put a little time on my tan.
• Grandma’s always been the best. Now she’s the only one left. I’m a grandma—and I’ve got the moves to prove it.
• Grandma, I was watching you cook and I wanted to ask if you know how to do a Force Wave.
• You’re so old, you could have been a grandma.
• Hey grandma, what did you invent that could possibly save the world?
• I know what you’re thinking. I’m not your grandmother. But I can be your best friend.
• You’re turning into a fine wine—getting better with age. Say, what’s your name?
• I know you’re tired of my jokes and I promise to stop. But it’s not that easy to be off when you’re on!
• I wish I had a dollar for every time you told me to get a haircut.
• I’m just here to make your day a little brighter, Grandma. Thanks for being an awesome granny to me and all my friends. Love, your grandson
• We know you’re usually at work on Mondays and Fridays, so when your grandchild calls, we pick up.
• Hey grandma, I love you just the way you are. You’ve got your wrinkles and bags under your eyes, but that’s what makes you look so wise.
• Your grandma: the only person who will ever make you feel like a kid again. Grandma Day
• Don’t worry, Grandma. Your hair will still be there tomorrow.
• Grandma, I love that you’re always dressed in black, because it makes it easier for me to find you.
• I’m not just any old grandma. I’m the best grandma in a million years.
• When I asked my grandma who was the smartest person she knew, she said: “I just got a new phone. Who do you think I am?”
• When I was little, all I wanted for Christmas was a grandma with big boobs.
• My grandma is the most amazing woman I know. She made me breakfast in bed, took care of my kids and told me I was a good boy.
• I’m gonna grab my grandma and find out where the good stuff is going.
• ‘You’re getting old, but you’re still sexy. What did you do? Put on some stretch marks?’
• You’re like a book you never finish. You’re like a chocolate chip cookie—you’re so good, but I’m not sure how to eat you.
• You’re like the sound of an old record spinning in your head—I want to turn it up, but I’m afraid of what it will make me feel.
• Grandma, you’re so cute. I hope you’re single because I’m yours.
• If you’re looking for a woman to pick up after your grandpa, I might be worth a shot.
• I know it’s your birthday and all, but I wish you a good time and lots of love. Happy Birthday, Grandma.
• Grandma, I just wanted to say thank you. You’re the best, and I really do like your sweater.
• You’re the best grandmom in the world. I really mean it.
• I get it. You’re a grandma now. But can I still call you Grandma?
• I want to thank you for being the best grandma on the planet. It’s because of you that I grew up so fast.
• Grandma is the only woman who can forgive you for not calling her before an important meeting.
• I’m off to the land of grandmas. You know, where there are no phones and everyone looks old.
• I’m the one to bring grandmotherly wisdom, grace and merriment to all your lives.
• You’re so old and classy, I almost can’t believe you’re real.
• I’m not sure how to put this. You are so old, you make me feel young.
• I have to be honest, your hair makes me smile. When the tide comes in, the ducks will go out.
